Isn't that right? To move you actually have to take a step. No one gets anywhere with out moving. Nothing would happen if everything was still. The world is all dynamical...that is a new word, I made it up. It's the word of the day to.
There was an invitation from my father to go and sit with him during a counseling session and be part of the talk..I wasn't sure what to expect, other than it might feel like a "discussion" we used to have when I was a child. ( Little note on that, they weren't discussions, they were my mother going on a tirade and we sat and listened, but she wasn't there so...) So when I get there...he has a folder, a folder full of notes. Okay I thought, I came prepared with my heart and my soul and my feelings, he came with writings and punctuation. But we could do this...I can't remember exactly how it started but he kept going back to the issues with my mother and myself...and finally the therapist said this should be about you and your daughter and how to have a relationship given the situation, also a relationship with the grandchildren. So I just came out and asked if he invited me to this session to talk me into going to my mother's therapist with her. He took a deep breath and said yes. So I laid my cards on the table. No, I was not going to do that. It would not be a healthy thing to do. It has been suggested by 6 people in the mental health field that a neutral mediator would be suggested in a situation like this. It it vital that we both be on the same level of vulnerability upon entering into this mediation. And as I type this I am thinking about HOW incredibly ridiculous this all sounds. It doesn't even sound like it could happen. But it's happening...So when I finished my reasoning and explaining, my father closed his folder up and said he wasn't sure what to do for the rest of the session because he wanted to fix this and make peace between my mother and I...I said only she and I can do that, and she has to be willing to MOVE. She has never once moved in her life. She waits for those around her to come to her, she makes them come to her. Her ability to take a tiny risk has vanished. Her world has become so incredibly small. These were things we talked about. He told me I was being stubborn, I told him I was being healthy, and I was being true. Truth is real. Truth is not pretty. He was shocked at my words.
When it came time to figure out spending time with the grandkids, it got complicated. He isn't strong enough to look at her and say he is coming here to see them and leave her in her pitty pool. He is afraid of her. Afraid of her reaction, which would only be words, but my how they control and hurt people. So much for sticks and stones... I asked him if he could just tell her he is coming to my house to go for a walk with the kids or take them to the park...he said,"I can't". NOW...my next question is can't or won't...huge difference there. I have to ask that next time I get invited because I couldn't process quick enough in the moment to realize what he was saying...
And so goes a few more weeks...precious time is passing by both of them. I cannot imagine not having any kind of connection with a person I am living with. No emotional connections, no physical connection. What is it like to not hug or kiss a person in YEARS?
Lonely and cold I bet. So I am leaving you with this...find the people you love. Tell them how much you love them, tell them why. Tell them how important they are. Give them their deserved affection and respect. Let them know they mean something to you. Because there is only now. Go find your present and share it with the people you love.
May you have peace and joy in your days.
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