Haven't written since my birthday? Wow, I was super busy though in December...Christmas came and went. I was actually wonderful. I made a choice for us all ( the 4 under this roof) to have a peaceful holiday. Nothing has been resolved from my mother or my father for that matter. He wanted to have some connection for Christmas, which was fine, so I said the day after. This created all kinds of- I want the kids to have our presents first...wtf?
Yeah, so I stood my ground and said no, they never had them before Christmas before, we area not starting now. So my Dad came over the day after, and made sure to make a comment about how the kids could go slow unwrapping so he could take picture for "the part of the party that was not here". He seemed to enjoy the moments he spent but also it seemed awkward as well. He didn't stay long. He talked about his job loss and job searching.
So that night I began reading a book...I got two books(for Christmas, instead of my birthday) One is about dealing with the borderline mother, and the other is about setting boundaries and not walking on eggshells any more. I started with the mother one. That book was so darn expensive- $35.00 for paperback, but the research that is crammed into it is amazing. It breaks the mother down into 4 personalities...I am reading the 3rd one and so far my mother is a combo of two of them. I read before bed, and I suppose that reading before bed this kind of thing probably isn't good. I have brought the book out to the couch and read there while the kids watch TV sometimes, but I am afraid my daughter might see it and will ask questions which I am not sure I can handle answering...
My father is back to his old ways of saying how horrible it is at the house and she is being her usual self. I said to him finally that if that was how he wanted to live I needed to know, so that I could make a decision to let it alone. He said he didn't want to live the rest of his life that way, yet he does nothing about change. He quit therapy because he may have gotten in a disagreement with her about money and they could only afford for her to go to therapy...but also he wanted to go with her and she refuses that. Still to this day.
So the kids sent thank you notes for the Christmas stuff and also called there on new year's eve to say thank you. I am sure none of that was happening in the time frame that they wanted it to happen, but that is what I could do. That is one of the things wrong here...all the control. The ability to let things happen as they may doesn't exist for them. This stems from her control. Which comes from the BPD disorder.
There is no medication for the disorder. There is a therapy that is done but the person has to be willing to admit the BPD and go seek the therapy. Now having been diagnosed with it and admitting to having it are two different things...The mother book talks about that. It had some public figures who had the disorder as well. Joan Crawford...Mary Todd Lincoln, and one other woman who was a writer and her name escapes me at the moment. Abe actually had been quoted that Mary Todd was only partially sane. YIKES. She did some crazy things though.
So I found a few websites with some educational tools on them and some message boards, I am hoping to find maybe a support group locally of women like myself, who have grown up with mothers like this...the statistics are quite shocking as to how many women have it. It is a weird disorder too. Only brought about by two things- something happened to the person as a child, abandonment or abuse etc... and then the environment they were raised. These both weave this web around the person and create this wild personality disorder.
I hope that this new year brings us all peace, love, joy, happiness, and quiet new adventures. I hope that you all take the time each day to tell the people that are important to you they are. I hope that people tell you how important you are. You are important.
peace & love in 2013 and on...
No comments:
Post a Comment