Time.

Time. Wow, so much has passed. Almost don't know where to start. Life is busy. Life doesn't stop. The world keeps moving around you, past you, through you. "Stand clear of the moving doors'...

Nothing has changed. I have gotten some letters from my mother. One of them was very nasty and full of anger and blame. I said when she could write 4 pages of how she contributed to the relationship getting to how it is now or how she plans on making it better then maybe we could talk but I was not accepting all the blame in that letter. I mailed it back to her. Brave, eh?

Then she sent another letter after that and all that contained was a lot of nothing. Just dancing around with words and nothing that was deep or meant anything. By now it's just old for me. 

I was reading an interesting blog recently about narcissism. I'm not saying she is but she does have some qualities from that, if you can call them qualities...

It talked about how we assign a lens of normal human behavior to "people" in our life. It referred to this like a square peg in a round hole. It was referring to false self. It can not be worthy or valuable. So it feeds...

Still baffles me how long this has gone on. I have sent her a letter saying that I am the one always asked to bend here. I asked her to sign a waiver so I could come to her therapist and talk to him and he could talk to me openly. I have no response yet. My letter asking for that was short and to the point. She is all about wasting time and beating dead horses...So I have a therapy appointment monday, I wonder if I will have a response from her by then.

I was thinking the other day that her wedding anniversary is coming up. Last year was their 40th wedding anniversary. There was no celebration, not even between the two of them. I wonder what this year will be? Probably more of the same cold and bitterness. My father still doesn't have a job. I am beginning to wonder what will happen over there. I feel some kind of shift may be coming but I am unsure what exactly.

Until anything happens, all I can do it live. Live each day. Savor it. As far as we all know we only have this one shot. I cannot sit around and wait. I need to use my time wisely.

Hope. 
Light.
Peace.